After entering Sun Valley Nursing Home, Addie Hartman breathed a sigh of relief.  The smells of sanitizer and bleach didn’t make her as queasy as the last time.  

                   Addie missed visiting Nana at her home.  The aroma of her cookies, pies, and cakes was always so welcoming.

                   Addie stopped by the nurses’ station to say hello to Nurse Donovan and then headed toward her grandmother’s room.  Reaching the TV area, she had to zigzag through a maze of people in wheelchairs before she could walk down the hallway.

                   Walking down the dull beige corridor, Addie unconsciously shook her head. She hated to see Nana living here, but after she had been found passed out on the living room floor, it was clear to everyone that she couldn't stay by herself anymore.

                   For two months, Nana stood her ground, insisting she could stay in her home with a little help. To respect her wishes, Addie’s mom, aunts, and uncles tried taking turns staying with Nana. Unfortunately, her fainting spells and forgetfulness worsened, and the decision to put Nana in a nursing home had to be made.  The family researched and found the best facility they could afford.                               Nana’s feisty independence gave way to the desire not to be a burden her children, and she made the best of a bad situation like she always did.

                   Addie never thought she would see the day when Nana had to be dependent on others.

                   Growing up, Addie considered Nana as the family’s core caregiver.  The oldest of thirteen children, Nana, helped Great-Grandmother take care of her younger siblings. When she married Grandpa Otto, she poured her heart into taking care of their eight children.   After grandpa died, Nana kept busy by helping to raise her grandchildren. 

                   Addie thought about how she and her family members had always come to Nana with their problems, knowing she would dispense her wisdom along with homemade strawberry jelly.   When Addie had graduated from college and didn’t know what to do with her life, she sought Nana’s advice.   Nana told Addie that a person only lives once, and they should do something that fulfills them.  

                   That gave Addie the courage to make her dream a reality.  With the help of her parents and the hard work ethic that Nana and her mom had instilled in her, Hartman’s Harts Clothing Designs took off. 

                   Addie’s mind returned to the present when she heard,  “Dagnabit!” coming from Nana’s room.  She entered to find ninety-two-year-old Nana, hunching forward in her recliner, trying to get the remote from the floor.

                   “Oh, Nana, I’ll help you.”   After assisting Nana up to a sitting position, Addie squatted and picked up the remote.  She brushed her chestnut hair out of her eyes and then handed the remote to Nana.

                   “Oh, Addie.  Come here, sweet girl.”  She opened her arms.

                   Smiling, Addie bent down and hugged her.  She kissed Nana’s cheek, breathing in the sweet scent of her grandma’s favorite body powder.  Addie sat on the edge of the bed.  “So, how are you?”

                    Leaning back, Nana sighed.  ”I guess I’m fine.  I’m trying to behave, so people will let me go home.”

                    Addie’s heart sank to her toes, knowing that would never be a possibility.  She placed her hand on Nana’s.  “Well, on Saturday, Mom and Dad are going to bring you to their house. Won't it be nice spending the day with them?”

                     Nana’s face lit up and clapped her hands together.  “Oh, I’m glad.  I miss the country.”

                     “I know.“  She smiled.  “Matt and I will be there too.”

                     “Good. I haven’t seen Matt in a while, or have I?” Nana looked upwards, mumbling to herself.

                     Addie patted Grandma’s hands and waited for Nana to snap out of her reverie.  “Remember, Matt came with me to see you two weeks ago.”

                      Nana slapped her thigh, shaking her head in embarrassment.  “That’s right.  He brought me donut holes.” 

                      “Yeah.  Matt is sorry he couldn’t come today, but he told me to tell you hi.   He’s busy getting ahead of his work, so he can help me with our baby after it is born.”  Addie chuckled.  “I know he’s excited about becoming a father, but I’m going crazy with him trying to make sure I don’t overdo it.  I hope this phase will end soon, or it’s going to be a long six months.”

                      “Matt’s a sweet boy and a cutie-patootie.”

                      Addie laughed.  “Yes, he sure is.”

                      Nana reached out and caressed Addie’s cheek.  “He is going to be a good husband and a good provider.  He will do anything for you and your family just like your grandpa Otto did for us.”  

                      “I know he will.”  Addie’s heart twisted with sadness that Nana didn’t remember she and Matt were already married.  It hurt that Nana didn’t remember how happy she had been seeing Addie in the same homemade dress that Great-Grandma had made Nana for her own wedding day.  She told Addie she prayed she and Matt would have a wonderful marriage and then kissed Addie’s cheek.

                      Addie smiled sadly and then turned her attention back to Nana.  “Your grandpa loved you.  You were his Little Bit.”                                Nana gazed lovingly at her.  “Your grandpa had nicknames for all of our children and grandchildren.  He wanted all of you to feel special and to let you know that he loved you even if he wasn’t around as much he wanted to be.”  

                      Looking down at her clasped hands in her lap, Nana’s grin faded.  Her voice shook as she continued, “Your grandpa worked hard all his life both on the farm and as a mail carrier, trying to do the best he could to provide for us.   When all of our children left home and started their families, he couldn’t wait to retire, so he could relax and spend more time with me, his children, and his grandchildren.”

                      Nana hung her head, and tears trickled down her wrinkled cheeks.  “He was two months away from retiring, but that drunk driver killed him before he could fulfill that dream.”

                      Addie slid from the bed and knelt in front of her.  Nana lifted her head.  Addie plucked out a couple of tissues from a box on a nearby tray table and started to wipe away tears from her Nana’s face.

                      “I’m sorry.“ 

                      Addie shrugged and smiled back.  “It’s okay.  You have nothing to apologize for—I miss him too.”

                      ”It’s just I’ve been thinking about him lately, and I do miss him.”  Nana’s eyes went to the picture on the dresser of her and her husband.  Although she smiled, tears ran down her face.  “I know I’ll be with him again very soon.”  
                      Sucking in a breath, Addie closed her eyes, struggling to keep her emotions at bay.   She didn’t want to think about losing her Nana. Addie knew now wasn't the time to breakdown. She had to keep it together for Nana.  Addie held her close and let her cry, whispering comforting words.

                      Addie distracted herself by glancing at the activity calendar taped on the bathroom door when something caught her attention.  She checked her watch for the time and turned to her Nana.  “It’s almost time for dominos.  You love that game.  I can take you to the game room and help you play.”

                      Slumping further in her recliner, Nana put a slightly shaky hand on her cheek.  “I don’t know.”

                      After brushing Nana’s white hair from her forehead, Addie locked eyes with her.  “It’d do you good to get out of this room and talk to other people.”

                      Nana thought it over and nodded.

                      Addie retrieved the wheelchair, but Nana said,  “I want to walk there with the walker.”

                      “Are you sure?”   Addie chewed on her bottom lip.   “Your legs are a little swollen.”

                      Nodding, Nana leaned forward and gestured for it.

                      Addie rolled the walker in front of Nana.  She rocked her recliner hard a few times before standing.   After getting on her feet, Nana braced herself with the walker while trying to catch her breath. “Whew, it’s heck to get old.”

                      Rubbing Nana’s back, Addie furrowed her brow.  “Are you okay?”

                      Still panting slightly, Nana waved her hand.  “I’m fine.  This old body just needs a little time to get going.”  Nana smiled and headed for the door.  “Let’s go.”

                      Nana’s legs wobbled.   Addie moved forward, but not quick enough to catch her before Nana fell to her knees.  She hurried to Nana’s side and yelled out for help.

                      Wrapping one of Nana’s arms around her shoulders, Addie helped her to stand.  With Nana’s assistance, Addie managed to get her to the bed. 

                      A few seconds later, Nurse Donovan entered the room.  “What happened?”

Addie turned to the older woman, concern plastered on her face.  “Nana took a spill while trying to walk to the game room.”

                      Nurse Donovan took Nana’s pulse and then listened to her heart.

                      “Well, Miss Millie, your heart rate is elevated, and your pulse is fast.  You need to lie down and rest.” 

                      Rubbing her forehead, Addie moaned as guilt grew inside her.  “I thought Nana needed to use the wheelchair, but she insisted on the walker.”

                       Nana crossed her arms.  “I wanted to exercise my legs, and don’t talk like I’m not here.” 

                       Addie gave her a weary smile.  “Sorry, Nana.” 

                        Nurse Donovan’s attention turned to Nana’s swollen legs and feet.  “Where are your support hose?”

                        Nana pursed her lips.   “I took them off.  Those darn things were cutting off my circulation.”

                        Nurse Donovan let out a sigh.  “Fine.  You can leave them off while you’re resting, but we need to put them back on after while.  They help stop the fluids from going to your legs and feet.” 

                        Nana gave a smug look.  “We, huh?  I don't think my hose will stretch enough to get both pairs of our feet in them.”

                        Nurse Donovan laughed and then helped Nana lie down on the bed. “Now, Miss Millie, rest a minute.”

                        “All right. I‘ll need to get my strength up for when it’s time to wrestle us into my hose.”  
                        Addie pulled at her jeans, anxious to speak to Nurse Donovan in private.  When Nana got settled, she tapped the nurse’s shoulder. 

                        “Could I talk to you outside?”

                        “Sure.”   Nurse Donovan walked with her into the hallway.

                        Addie craned her neck over her shoulder and glanced at Nana.  “I’ll be right back."

                        “Okay,” Nana answered in a tired voice.

                        After closing the door, Addie leaned against the wall.  “I’m worried about her.  I haven’t seen Nana get so out of breath that fast before.”

                        Nurse Donovan frowned.  “Your grandma is getting weaker every day, and she can’t do a lot of things herself.  Her heart...”

                        “Is giving out on her,” Addie finished for her. 

                        “I’m afraid so.” 

                        Nurse Donovan was called to help in another resident's room. She held up her index finger and then turned to Addie.                                “Listen, I have to go.  You can go back into your grandma’s room, but only for a minute.  She needs to rest.” 

                        Nurse Donovan gave Addie a sad smile and then walked away.

                        Addie’s heart tightened in her chest, and tears began cascading down her face as the words sunk in.  She knew she didn't have the luxury of crying now. If Nana saw her crying, she'd be worried.   Pulling tissues from her purse, she dried her eyes and cheeks.   When she finished, she tucked them back in her purse and breathed in a few breaths to calm herself before entering the room.

                        Nana lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She looked paler than she had fifteen minutes ago.  Addie’s throat tightened, seeing her withering away.  Swallowing hard, she walked to the bed and sat on the edge.

                        Diverting her attention away from the ceiling, Nana turned and looked at Addie.  “Oh, you’re back.   I was afraid you’d left.”

                        “I’d never leave without saying goodbye.”  Addie prayed that she sounded cheerful.  “I can only stay a moment.  You need to rest.”

                        Nana smiled.  “Okay.  Thank you for visiting me, my sweet girl.” 

                        “I love spending time with you.”  Addie hugged her.

                        “I love you, Addie,” Nana whispered in her ear.   “Always remember that.”

                        Closing her eyes to hold back tears, Addie sucked in a haggard sigh.  “I will.  I love you, too.”

                        “Tell Matt hello for me and take care of yourself.”   

                        “Will do.”  Addie stood up.   “Goodbye, Nana.  Rest now.”

                        “All right. Goodbye, sweet girl.”  Nana laid her head down and closed her eyes.

                        Addie rushed from the room and made it to an empty patio before collapsing on a wooden bench.  She hung her head and cried.  Her heart wrenched, knowing her nana didn’t have much time on this earth. 

                        I don’t want her to die.  Addie chastised herself for being selfish.  Nana was ninety-two and lived a full life.  She deserves to be with Grandpa Otto again. Still, Addie wished she could take Nana home to her own kitchen and bake with her one more time. Memories of the two of them making sugar cookies, canning preserves, and watching old TV shows came flooding back. 

                        Addie's thoughts turned to her unborn baby with the realization that her child wouldn't get to do all those things with Nana.  Addie placed a hand on her growing belly and promised herself to tell the baby all about its great-grandma.   Addie smiled a little as she thought about her mom and mother-in-law.   Her baby would have two Nanas to love. She would make sure her child would treasure every moment he or she spent with them.

                         Addie walked to the parking lot.  When she got in her car, she glanced back at the building.   As the sickening feeling she had visited Nana for the last time rose from the pit of her stomach, fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. 

                         “Goodbye, Nana," she whispered.